The Blog Has MOVED!

If you are seeing this post, it is the last one on fivedreamweavers.blogspot.com.  Since we are the SIX Dream Weavers now, we have moved everything over to the new domain. All of the old posts are still here, and on the new blog. I tried to migrate all the things from the old site, as well as add some new things as well. 

So, click on the image below and go check out the new page, the new color scheme, and the new chapter in our lives!  Thanks for stopping by!

sixdreamweavers.blogspot.com/

Forty One

Today, February 13, 2011, would have been my big brother’s 41^st birthday. Instead, we are looking back yet again on the all too short 40 years we had with him.  In retrospect, this week last year set off a series of events in my own life that I never would have dreamed possible or even plausible.  But here we are, almost on the other side, and I know it was all in God’s plan.  Blessings abound, but heartache took its toll as well.  It was this time last year that I took the last picture I have of Brian:

He and his daughter Kayleigh were here in Stillwater to celebrate his 40^th birthday and to meet our newest cousin Rocco from New York City.  I have no clue now what this picture was all about, but I remember laughing my butt off at the time.  Now, it just makes me reflective, melancholy, and sad.

I miss you every day, Big Brother.  Thanks for the memories…

NOT having a Pity Party TODAY!

A little perspective goes a long way.  Urban Dictionary’s best definition of “pity party” is a way of experiencing grief, in which you spend your time feeling sorry for yourself and whining endlessly about how crappy your life is. The definition goes on (comically) from there, but that’s the main idea.  And I’ve been throwing myself a pity party in regards to Finn’s “condition” for the last week or so.  I’m still going to list the things that make me want to throw this party just to document them, but dwelling on them doesn’t change anything.  My perspective – which was very self-centered – was changed while thinking about the tests we all face.  What does it mean to test something? It means to put pressure on it to see if it will do what it says it will do. Will it hold up under stress?  I have, I am, and I will continue to do so.  We all do.  By putting my tests in perspective, I realize this isn’t that hard, just a minor inconvenience – with an end in sight. Joyce Meyer says (on being tested by God) The key is to keep trusting God, even if you don't understand. There is no such thing as trusting God without unanswered questions, but when you push ahead, despite your doubts, He will build you up and make you strong.

First, the update on Finn after he had his 4 month appointment with the pediatrician yesterday.  He weighed in at 9 pounds 6 ounces (!!!) and just over 20 inches long.  He is growing like crazy – which is GREAT!  Unfortunately, his 2 hernias are growing, too, so surgery is definitely in his (distant) future.  He got immunizations consisting of 3 injections and one he drank.  He has perfected the “hold your breath and turn so red you’re almost purple” post-injection cry.  I know it is a bit cruel, but it really makes me laugh.  He looks so pitiful! But, he also recovers quickly.  The doctor says he is doing GREAT and is perfect!  She weaned his oxygen to ½ a liter 24 hours a day and kept the heart/apnea monitor at 24 hours a day as well. While we are super pleased to finally be weaning the oxygen, we are equally bummed to still be tethered to the monitor.  But, she did indicate that she plans on him being done with all of it by his 6^th month day (in 2 months)!  We go back in 3 weeks to wean the oxygen again.  

And now for my pity party. I am utterly, completely, wholly, downright FRUSTRATED with the stupid monitor.  IT NEVER GOES OFF – in relation to the baby.  It goes off when the battery runs low (we forgot to plug it back in after moving the baby, or it falls out of the loose plugs in this house).  It goes off for “loose leads” (the leads on the baby are under his arms and held in place by a soft belt and Velcro – definitely not newborn wiggle proof).  It goes off indicating low heart rate or apnea while he is eating – which is just WRONG and I chalk it up to the imperfections of the leads.  And it goes off when I step on the cords which are always in the way and it causes the electrode wires to pull out of the data cord.  Every single time it goes off, it is LOUD, it is piercing, it causes anxiety in the people of this house, and the baby is fine.  SO ANNOYING. 

But beyond the maddening alarm going off, the sheer logistics of caring for this baby on tethers is exasperating.  The oxygen tubing and the monitor cords literally act as leashes for my baby.  I can’t move freely from one room to the other without extensive preparation and equipment toting.  It hurts my heart to not be able to just pick him up and take him with me.  I can’t even reach my front door with him in my arms due to the restrictive monitor cords.  The monitor has about 5 feet of power cord, then about 6 feet of “patient cord” from the machine to the baby – that’s basically 10-11 feet of slack.  There is a battery on the box, so the power cord can be unplugged for short periods of time (until it alarms for being low on battery!), but you have to be near the box in to do that.  During the day, the large (heavy) oxygen concentrator is out in our living room – plugged in to a power strip that originates behind the couch.  The power cord on this machine is about 9 feet, then there is about 25 feet of tubing that runs from the machine to the baby.  So, there is approximately 30 feet of range on the oxygen for the baby and I.  That’s not much.  Luckily, I live in a small house.  If I detach the power cord from the monitor, I can take Finn and his oxygen to the kitchen, and down the hall - including the small bathroom and the girls' room to just inside the door to Jake’s room.  But, to take him to his crib (my room) at night – or for a nap or bath, it involves several steps: Hook him up to a portable tank of oxygen; turn off the concentrator; unplug and move the concentrator to the bedroom; plug in the concentrator; go back and transport the baby, the monitor and the tank; turn on and hook the baby back to the concentrator; turn off and store the tank.  And that doesn’t even include the gymnastics of the monitor!  Each move involves unplugging it from the power source, putting the monitor bag over your shoulder to carry while bringing the power cord with you, then plugging it all back in at your destination.  This process is neither easy, quick, nor FUN in any way.  There is tubing and wiring strung all across the room we are in, and when there are other children home, you hear a constant chorus of “Watch out for the cords! Don’t step on the tubing!  The tube is caught – can you get it for me?”  And so forth…  And when you inadvertently step on the monitor cord while walking and carrying the baby, it jerks the leads out of their ports on the patient cable, therefore causing the alarm to scream.  And me to curse.  Plus, we have all gotten our feet tangled in the various cording - causing us to stumble, jerking the baby, and/or causing Finn stress by pulling too hard on either cord so that it affects him.  And, bathing or dressing him?  FORGET ABOUT IT! To bathe him I hook him to the portable oxygen tank and cart it to the bathroom with us.  Luckily, I can remove the monitor belt and leads, but he is still on oxygen – so the tube gets a bath, too.  Then, to dress him, anything that goes over his head (most baby clothes do – especially his undershirts) has to have the oxygen tubing thread through it before it goes on the baby, and the monitor lead cords have to be threaded OUT of the clothing when you finish up.  Plus, everything that goes over his head tends to pull the oxygen tubing and/or the adhesive that holds the tubing to his face out of place.  Add to that he is a wriggly newborn, and dressing him quickly becomes a strenuous wrestling workout.  Thankfully, we are mostly homebound, so beyond keeping him warm and comfortable, clothing doesn’t really matter.  And on that note – you can IMAGINE based on what I have said so far what putting him in a car seat and going out in the car is like.  WHEW! I desperately want to be able to pick my baby up and carry him, dress him, bathe him, cuddle him, feed him and care for him without all the DRAMA!

But none of that matters.  He is recovering.  He is home.  He is OURS for a lifetime.  He is doing all the things he is supposed to be doing – and so am I.  The doctor said 2 more months and we should be done with the monitor and the oxygen.  After as far as we have come, I can totally do that.  I know I will have challenging moments and exhausting days.  But, I will have joy.  And I will have peace.  And I will have understanding – knowing that this is all part of God’s plan.  He is testing me.  Teaching me patience and endurance and COURAGE!  And He is more than enough.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:6-8

All Babies Cry

Some babies cry A LOT!  FRW would trend toward the latter category, I would say.  Wikipedia defines infantile colic as a condition of a healthy baby in which it shows periods of intense, unexplained fussing/crying lasting more than 3 hours a day, more than 3 days a week for more than 3 week.  I’m not sure we’ve been dealing with it for 3 weeks yet, but 3 hours 3 days a week qualifies.  Some days less, but it’s still there.  “They” also say it is usually in the early evening, and Finn’s tends to be from about 8pm to about 11pm.  But I’m calling it colic.  Emma has THE WORST COLIC EVER, so I am an experienced mom, and I know what this is.  It’s colic.  And it’s so frustrating for us all!  I also know it will end as abruptly as it as started, so we will survive.  In the meantime, my heart breaks daily as my sweet baby cries and cries for no evident reason.  Poor little dude!

In the meantime, another week has gone by.  Jake’s Power Rangers party was changed to a Star Wars party at the last minute since I couldn’t find party supplies locally, and it was a GREAT time at the Oklahoma Wondertorium!   We had never been there, and it was so fun and the kids and adults all loved it!  Jake got loved on by so many people, and his room is now full of fun new toys to keep him busy.  Also, the RSV shot situation has been resolved.  Last Friday, I got the 2 phone calls that got that ball rolling, then on Monday I was informed the medication was overnighted tome to show up on Tuesday, as well as the name and number of our home health nurse.  The meds arrived at 1:30 on Tuesday, and the nurse got here about 4:00 to administer the shot.  It was about 4 days late, but we are approved for the next few doses so it won’t be so hard next time!  My dog is still gone, and I am still sad about it.  Britt found us the PERFECT puppy on Craigslist earlier this week, but it was spoken for before we could get ahold of them, so the search continues.  And I am still jobless.  I am happy to be here at home for the time being, and I am determined to enjoy it.  I still feel like a puppet on a string in this area of my life, but it is what it is, and God’s plan will prevail.  I just need to be patient and prayerful and the answers will come!

Our big excitement of the week was the follow up article the O’Colly did on Finn and the OBI blood drive.  I was contacted about the possibility late last week, then this week a photographer came to the house on Monday, then a reporter interviewed Britt and I separately (due to the home health nurse and RSV shot) on Tuesday. On Thursday morning, the front page of the Daily O’Collegian featured a HUGE picture of me and sweet Baby Finn! 

CLICK HERE for the link to the article.  I think they did a really good job.  Donating blood is a simple thing to do and it can affect lives on so many levels.  We are so grateful for all the strangers who have helped us out along the way.  Whether praying for us, supporting us financially, and especially those who donate blood regularly to provide for needs of people that need that kind of support.  If it were not for the generosity of other people, Finn might not be here with us today!

As of the nurse visit on Tuesday, Finn weighed 8 pounds, 14 ounces and was just over 20 inches in length.  He is growing so quickly these days!  He will be 4 months old on Sunday, and his adjusted age is 4 weeks.  It seems like we just came home a few days ago, but he has been home 1 month and 6 days.  In the past week, he has started to sleep a little longer during the night.  We used to feed him 3 times overnight, and we are down to 2 – or just one depending on how the schedule goes during the day, and how early we need to get up the next morning.  THIS is a major milestone for me, as I really need my sleep! LOL!  He still eats every 3 hours during the day, and still sleeps A LOT during the day as well.  My mom and my sister-in-love are thrilled that they have both gotten to see him with his eyes open for more than a few seconds at a time lately!  He finally enjoys his swing, and he likes to lie under his play gym and watch the things hanging above his head.  He is still on supplemental oxygen at ¾ Liter for 24 hours a day, as well as the heart/apnea monitor.  I am REALLY hoping to change some of these statistics when we go for his 4 month visit to the pediatrician on Tuesday. This is my prayer request!  We NEED to start weaning the oxygen as he keeps pulling the cannula out of his nose, and I am SO OVER the heart monitor that only goes off with false alarms.  UGH!

The other project I am working on now is for the 4^th grade STATE NIGHT at Emma and Lara’s school coming up in a few weeks.  Each student is assigned a state, and they have to do a report on the state as a famous person from that state – as well as a report on that person. The person reports were due last week, so now we are working on the STATE part – as well as costumes.  They are supposed to dress up as that person for the presentation on State Night.  Lara has the state of Nebraska, and the famous person she chose was Swoosie Kurtz.   This costume will be pretty easy.  Lara has the perfect looks for this character, so we just need a “red carpet” dress, and perhaps an award to carry.  Emma has the state of New York.  Her “person” she chose is StefaniGermanotta.  Lady Gaga.  Yeah, we had to ask the teacher if that would be acceptable. It was, so now I am on a costume hunt!  I got a dress that I think will work perfectly.  Now for a wig, some shoes and other accessories. WHEW!  I can’t wait to see how this turns out for both of them!  They are pretty excited!