The Blog Has MOVED!

If you are seeing this post, it is the last one on fivedreamweavers.blogspot.com.  Since we are the SIX Dream Weavers now, we have moved everything over to the new domain. All of the old posts are still here, and on the new blog. I tried to migrate all the things from the old site, as well as add some new things as well. 

So, click on the image below and go check out the new page, the new color scheme, and the new chapter in our lives!  Thanks for stopping by!

sixdreamweavers.blogspot.com/

Forty One

Today, February 13, 2011, would have been my big brother’s 41^st birthday. Instead, we are looking back yet again on the all too short 40 years we had with him.  In retrospect, this week last year set off a series of events in my own life that I never would have dreamed possible or even plausible.  But here we are, almost on the other side, and I know it was all in God’s plan.  Blessings abound, but heartache took its toll as well.  It was this time last year that I took the last picture I have of Brian:

He and his daughter Kayleigh were here in Stillwater to celebrate his 40^th birthday and to meet our newest cousin Rocco from New York City.  I have no clue now what this picture was all about, but I remember laughing my butt off at the time.  Now, it just makes me reflective, melancholy, and sad.

I miss you every day, Big Brother.  Thanks for the memories…

NOT having a Pity Party TODAY!

A little perspective goes a long way.  Urban Dictionary’s best definition of “pity party” is a way of experiencing grief, in which you spend your time feeling sorry for yourself and whining endlessly about how crappy your life is. The definition goes on (comically) from there, but that’s the main idea.  And I’ve been throwing myself a pity party in regards to Finn’s “condition” for the last week or so.  I’m still going to list the things that make me want to throw this party just to document them, but dwelling on them doesn’t change anything.  My perspective – which was very self-centered – was changed while thinking about the tests we all face.  What does it mean to test something? It means to put pressure on it to see if it will do what it says it will do. Will it hold up under stress?  I have, I am, and I will continue to do so.  We all do.  By putting my tests in perspective, I realize this isn’t that hard, just a minor inconvenience – with an end in sight. Joyce Meyer says (on being tested by God) The key is to keep trusting God, even if you don't understand. There is no such thing as trusting God without unanswered questions, but when you push ahead, despite your doubts, He will build you up and make you strong.

First, the update on Finn after he had his 4 month appointment with the pediatrician yesterday.  He weighed in at 9 pounds 6 ounces (!!!) and just over 20 inches long.  He is growing like crazy – which is GREAT!  Unfortunately, his 2 hernias are growing, too, so surgery is definitely in his (distant) future.  He got immunizations consisting of 3 injections and one he drank.  He has perfected the “hold your breath and turn so red you’re almost purple” post-injection cry.  I know it is a bit cruel, but it really makes me laugh.  He looks so pitiful! But, he also recovers quickly.  The doctor says he is doing GREAT and is perfect!  She weaned his oxygen to ½ a liter 24 hours a day and kept the heart/apnea monitor at 24 hours a day as well. While we are super pleased to finally be weaning the oxygen, we are equally bummed to still be tethered to the monitor.  But, she did indicate that she plans on him being done with all of it by his 6^th month day (in 2 months)!  We go back in 3 weeks to wean the oxygen again.  

And now for my pity party. I am utterly, completely, wholly, downright FRUSTRATED with the stupid monitor.  IT NEVER GOES OFF – in relation to the baby.  It goes off when the battery runs low (we forgot to plug it back in after moving the baby, or it falls out of the loose plugs in this house).  It goes off for “loose leads” (the leads on the baby are under his arms and held in place by a soft belt and Velcro – definitely not newborn wiggle proof).  It goes off indicating low heart rate or apnea while he is eating – which is just WRONG and I chalk it up to the imperfections of the leads.  And it goes off when I step on the cords which are always in the way and it causes the electrode wires to pull out of the data cord.  Every single time it goes off, it is LOUD, it is piercing, it causes anxiety in the people of this house, and the baby is fine.  SO ANNOYING. 

But beyond the maddening alarm going off, the sheer logistics of caring for this baby on tethers is exasperating.  The oxygen tubing and the monitor cords literally act as leashes for my baby.  I can’t move freely from one room to the other without extensive preparation and equipment toting.  It hurts my heart to not be able to just pick him up and take him with me.  I can’t even reach my front door with him in my arms due to the restrictive monitor cords.  The monitor has about 5 feet of power cord, then about 6 feet of “patient cord” from the machine to the baby – that’s basically 10-11 feet of slack.  There is a battery on the box, so the power cord can be unplugged for short periods of time (until it alarms for being low on battery!), but you have to be near the box in to do that.  During the day, the large (heavy) oxygen concentrator is out in our living room – plugged in to a power strip that originates behind the couch.  The power cord on this machine is about 9 feet, then there is about 25 feet of tubing that runs from the machine to the baby.  So, there is approximately 30 feet of range on the oxygen for the baby and I.  That’s not much.  Luckily, I live in a small house.  If I detach the power cord from the monitor, I can take Finn and his oxygen to the kitchen, and down the hall - including the small bathroom and the girls' room to just inside the door to Jake’s room.  But, to take him to his crib (my room) at night – or for a nap or bath, it involves several steps: Hook him up to a portable tank of oxygen; turn off the concentrator; unplug and move the concentrator to the bedroom; plug in the concentrator; go back and transport the baby, the monitor and the tank; turn on and hook the baby back to the concentrator; turn off and store the tank.  And that doesn’t even include the gymnastics of the monitor!  Each move involves unplugging it from the power source, putting the monitor bag over your shoulder to carry while bringing the power cord with you, then plugging it all back in at your destination.  This process is neither easy, quick, nor FUN in any way.  There is tubing and wiring strung all across the room we are in, and when there are other children home, you hear a constant chorus of “Watch out for the cords! Don’t step on the tubing!  The tube is caught – can you get it for me?”  And so forth…  And when you inadvertently step on the monitor cord while walking and carrying the baby, it jerks the leads out of their ports on the patient cable, therefore causing the alarm to scream.  And me to curse.  Plus, we have all gotten our feet tangled in the various cording - causing us to stumble, jerking the baby, and/or causing Finn stress by pulling too hard on either cord so that it affects him.  And, bathing or dressing him?  FORGET ABOUT IT! To bathe him I hook him to the portable oxygen tank and cart it to the bathroom with us.  Luckily, I can remove the monitor belt and leads, but he is still on oxygen – so the tube gets a bath, too.  Then, to dress him, anything that goes over his head (most baby clothes do – especially his undershirts) has to have the oxygen tubing thread through it before it goes on the baby, and the monitor lead cords have to be threaded OUT of the clothing when you finish up.  Plus, everything that goes over his head tends to pull the oxygen tubing and/or the adhesive that holds the tubing to his face out of place.  Add to that he is a wriggly newborn, and dressing him quickly becomes a strenuous wrestling workout.  Thankfully, we are mostly homebound, so beyond keeping him warm and comfortable, clothing doesn’t really matter.  And on that note – you can IMAGINE based on what I have said so far what putting him in a car seat and going out in the car is like.  WHEW! I desperately want to be able to pick my baby up and carry him, dress him, bathe him, cuddle him, feed him and care for him without all the DRAMA!

But none of that matters.  He is recovering.  He is home.  He is OURS for a lifetime.  He is doing all the things he is supposed to be doing – and so am I.  The doctor said 2 more months and we should be done with the monitor and the oxygen.  After as far as we have come, I can totally do that.  I know I will have challenging moments and exhausting days.  But, I will have joy.  And I will have peace.  And I will have understanding – knowing that this is all part of God’s plan.  He is testing me.  Teaching me patience and endurance and COURAGE!  And He is more than enough.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:6-8

All Babies Cry

Some babies cry A LOT!  FRW would trend toward the latter category, I would say.  Wikipedia defines infantile colic as a condition of a healthy baby in which it shows periods of intense, unexplained fussing/crying lasting more than 3 hours a day, more than 3 days a week for more than 3 week.  I’m not sure we’ve been dealing with it for 3 weeks yet, but 3 hours 3 days a week qualifies.  Some days less, but it’s still there.  “They” also say it is usually in the early evening, and Finn’s tends to be from about 8pm to about 11pm.  But I’m calling it colic.  Emma has THE WORST COLIC EVER, so I am an experienced mom, and I know what this is.  It’s colic.  And it’s so frustrating for us all!  I also know it will end as abruptly as it as started, so we will survive.  In the meantime, my heart breaks daily as my sweet baby cries and cries for no evident reason.  Poor little dude!

In the meantime, another week has gone by.  Jake’s Power Rangers party was changed to a Star Wars party at the last minute since I couldn’t find party supplies locally, and it was a GREAT time at the Oklahoma Wondertorium!   We had never been there, and it was so fun and the kids and adults all loved it!  Jake got loved on by so many people, and his room is now full of fun new toys to keep him busy.  Also, the RSV shot situation has been resolved.  Last Friday, I got the 2 phone calls that got that ball rolling, then on Monday I was informed the medication was overnighted tome to show up on Tuesday, as well as the name and number of our home health nurse.  The meds arrived at 1:30 on Tuesday, and the nurse got here about 4:00 to administer the shot.  It was about 4 days late, but we are approved for the next few doses so it won’t be so hard next time!  My dog is still gone, and I am still sad about it.  Britt found us the PERFECT puppy on Craigslist earlier this week, but it was spoken for before we could get ahold of them, so the search continues.  And I am still jobless.  I am happy to be here at home for the time being, and I am determined to enjoy it.  I still feel like a puppet on a string in this area of my life, but it is what it is, and God’s plan will prevail.  I just need to be patient and prayerful and the answers will come!

Our big excitement of the week was the follow up article the O’Colly did on Finn and the OBI blood drive.  I was contacted about the possibility late last week, then this week a photographer came to the house on Monday, then a reporter interviewed Britt and I separately (due to the home health nurse and RSV shot) on Tuesday. On Thursday morning, the front page of the Daily O’Collegian featured a HUGE picture of me and sweet Baby Finn! 

CLICK HERE for the link to the article.  I think they did a really good job.  Donating blood is a simple thing to do and it can affect lives on so many levels.  We are so grateful for all the strangers who have helped us out along the way.  Whether praying for us, supporting us financially, and especially those who donate blood regularly to provide for needs of people that need that kind of support.  If it were not for the generosity of other people, Finn might not be here with us today!

As of the nurse visit on Tuesday, Finn weighed 8 pounds, 14 ounces and was just over 20 inches in length.  He is growing so quickly these days!  He will be 4 months old on Sunday, and his adjusted age is 4 weeks.  It seems like we just came home a few days ago, but he has been home 1 month and 6 days.  In the past week, he has started to sleep a little longer during the night.  We used to feed him 3 times overnight, and we are down to 2 – or just one depending on how the schedule goes during the day, and how early we need to get up the next morning.  THIS is a major milestone for me, as I really need my sleep! LOL!  He still eats every 3 hours during the day, and still sleeps A LOT during the day as well.  My mom and my sister-in-love are thrilled that they have both gotten to see him with his eyes open for more than a few seconds at a time lately!  He finally enjoys his swing, and he likes to lie under his play gym and watch the things hanging above his head.  He is still on supplemental oxygen at ¾ Liter for 24 hours a day, as well as the heart/apnea monitor.  I am REALLY hoping to change some of these statistics when we go for his 4 month visit to the pediatrician on Tuesday. This is my prayer request!  We NEED to start weaning the oxygen as he keeps pulling the cannula out of his nose, and I am SO OVER the heart monitor that only goes off with false alarms.  UGH!

The other project I am working on now is for the 4^th grade STATE NIGHT at Emma and Lara’s school coming up in a few weeks.  Each student is assigned a state, and they have to do a report on the state as a famous person from that state – as well as a report on that person. The person reports were due last week, so now we are working on the STATE part – as well as costumes.  They are supposed to dress up as that person for the presentation on State Night.  Lara has the state of Nebraska, and the famous person she chose was Swoosie Kurtz.   This costume will be pretty easy.  Lara has the perfect looks for this character, so we just need a “red carpet” dress, and perhaps an award to carry.  Emma has the state of New York.  Her “person” she chose is StefaniGermanotta.  Lady Gaga.  Yeah, we had to ask the teacher if that would be acceptable. It was, so now I am on a costume hunt!  I got a dress that I think will work perfectly.  Now for a wig, some shoes and other accessories. WHEW!  I can’t wait to see how this turns out for both of them!  They are pretty excited!

Fretful Friday

The preemie baby induced house arrest is getting to me.  I woke up (after not much sleep, but more than my husband because he is AWESOME and let me sleep through some of Finn’s antics!) feeling a bit anxious this morning about a dozen or so things.  Unfortunately, this is my nature.  This is my cross to bear.  Britt reminds me daily to think positively and not to dwell on the negative. So, I am trying to let go and let God on these issues.

This quote from my Joyce Meyer reading plan on YouVersion.com this morning really spoke to me:

I had encountered so much disappointment and I was afraid to be positive. When I began to study the Word and trust God to restore me, I realized my negative thoughts had to go.

We need to practice positive thoughts in every situation. If you're going through a difficult time, expect that God will work things out for your good. As a Christian, it's time for you to fight for your thoughts, because your mind won't automatically come into agreement with God's plans.

I am anxious about Jake’s birthday party on Sunday.  This is his 5^th, and with Emma and Lara creeping up on age 10, I have thrown a few birthday parties.  But this one I feel very unprepared for.  We have the place, the guests, and the cake, but nothing else.  Haven’t even made a list yet.  So unlike me!  We are doing a Power Rangers Samuri theme.  I sure hope the party store here in town has some plates and decorations…

It is RSV season, and I brought a micro preemie home almost a month ago.  He got his first RSV prevention shot in the hospital on December 27^th.  He’s supposed to get it once a month through the end of Oklahoma’s RSV season.  We have been going round and round with the company that provides this service for our preemie babies.  The nurse and I have been checking on the status of this injection every few days for weeks, and this past week, DAILY!  Finn’s approval is still “pending” with insurance.  He NEEDS this shot.  I can’t handle putting him back in the NICU if he get sick.  WHY is this taking so long?  Our NICU friends from Ponca with twin boys who were released the same day have already gotten their second shot - last week.  UGH!

I am distraught that it seems someone stole my dog.  Last Saturday, I had a dog. A dirty, shaggy haired, slightly neglected but oh so loving 3 year old miniature schnauzer named Einstein.  Sunday, I no longer had that dog.  We assumed he got out of the yard (He is mainly an outside dog in our fenced-in back yard, but sleeps in the house in his crate, but he did not come in Saturday night), and that he would return on his own or we would get a call.  He gets outs occasionally – one every 3 months I would guess.  But, he always either shows up on his own, or we get a call (he has a collar and tags).  Monday, we called animal control – they don’t have him.  Called again yesterday.  Still no word.  No one had called.  He hasn’t come home.  I guess he’s gone.  We weren’t the BEST pet parents, but Einstein was loved, he loved us back, the kids played with him, he was house broken and well behaved.  I’m sad.

And my jobless status totally overwhelmed me yesterday.  I’m still feeling the after effects today.  Without going in to many details, I am feeling VERY derailed and unemployable.  It seems somehow a disconnect to me that your job, your career, is such a HUGE part of your life, but I feel I have no control over it.  The second question people ask when they meet you (after where are you from) is “What do you do for a living?”  Don’t get me wrong, I am embracing my current “Stay at Home Mom” status, but I need to work.  I am not good at this staying home thing, and as a family we need my income – especially in this season.  But decisions and choices other people make control my destiny.  I apply and interview for positions I (and others) think I am perfect for, and I get rejected.  I just feel like a puppet on a string right now.

So, I turn to the thing I know is always steady, always ready, always true.  My God.  Here is what He says:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?” (Matthew 6:25)

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall. (Psalm55:22)

I could go on and on.  There are lots of verses in the bible about giving up your worry to God and how worrying does nothing positive for you or for the Kingdom, so why do it. But, I am human, and I fail.  This is just the reminder I needed today.  Time to stop worrying, and start worshiping.  To stop fretting and start feeling freedom in Him.  This too shall pass.  Thank you, Jesus, for my blessings!

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.   Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:33-34)

UPDATE!  While working on this post, my nurse called and the insurance has approved the shot!  That’s ONE hurdle!  Now, we have to get the shot to our pediatrician’s office, and get Finn to the office, and get the medicine in his system.  MAYBE by middle of next week… 

Ahhhhh… Pinterest!

I first heard about it several months ago.  Then several friends wanted me to get on it while I was on bed rest to help pass the time.  But, I had no idea what to do with it?  Pinterest is an addictive internet based virtual pin board.  A WHAT?  (Yeah, me too.)  “Pinterestis a website that allows you to "pin" things online,just as you would pin them on a real life bulletin board, but instead,Pinterest saves all of your pins on your account so that you can access themeasily. Plus, you can follow friends on Pinterest and "repin" thingsthat they have already pinned on your Pinterest boards or browse a live feed ofitems that are being pinned by strangers when you're searching for inspiration.”  Well, I’ve been sucked in.  As of the publishing of this post, I have 19 boards and 312 pins (and counting…)  I have also had time to try a couple of recipes, use a few of the ideas, and make a few crafts.  So, I am going to share 3 of those with you here on my blog.  (I only have one recipe to share, my husband is the cook around here and he has tried several recipes he found on Pinterest!)

The first thing I ever tried from Pinterest was a very simple pizza roll up recipe using crescent rolls, pizza sauce, string cheese and pepperonis.  The first week I was home with Finn from the hospital, the 3 Bigs were home from school as well.  I wanted to make sure it was a fun time for our family, so I was up for trying new things.  This lunch was super easy and super fun - and a HUGE hit!  I’ve made it since then as well, and I have all the ingredients on hand to do it in a pinch!

The Pin:

http://pinterest.com/pin/38491771784861985/

My pictures:

In the meantime, I have become a fanatic, and I seem to add pins at an alarming rate.  Some things I will never get to, but there are a few that really inspire me and make me want to make things happen.  One pin I saw that I thought was well within my grasp was a headband, with handmade fabric flowers attached.  I figured I could do that, so I read the directions a few times, made my Hobby Lobby list, and got the supplies I would need to make these headbands:

The Pin:

http://pinterest.com/pin/38491771784876900/

My pictures:

 

My girls were THRILLED with the results, and I think Lara has worn hers every day since!  I have enough material to make many more, and I want one for myself. Plus, I discovered that one of the fabric scraps in the pack I picked up has – you guessed it – OWLS on it!  WOOT!

And, while this was NOT on Pinterest, I did find the pattern I liked on Pinterest then adapted it to my needs. And, I do have an extensive owl board, as well as a boy nursery board, and a Finn board.  I’m not sure where I will pin this one!  I have been looking for a mobile to hang over Finn’s crib since we chose owls as our theme, so for MONTHS.  I never found one I was gaga over, and the one that matches part of our nursery décor is pricey, and not what I envisioned, so I had the brilliant idea to repurpose an old one!  Oh yeah!  I can totally do that!  First step, find someone willing to part with an old nursery mobile.  Posted it on Facebook that I was looking, and I had one secured a few hours later (the story about actually getting all the parts from her house to mine is a bit comical, but it happened!)  Once I knew I had that taken care of, I started scheming and dreaming.  Added the supplies I needed to my Hobby Lobby shopping list, and off we go!  I had pinned THIS PIN for a pattern, and I adapted it to my needs.

My pictures:

 My pin:

http://pinterest.com/pin/38491771784938978/

Finn loves to look at it, and I am not tired of the Winnie the Pooh tune it plays (yet)!  It looks amazing hanging over his crib, and frankly, I am pretty proud of myself!  And again, my kids think I am some kind of genius. Thank you, Pinterest, for fueling my creativity, and for making me look good to 2 nine year olds and a 5 year old! ;)  And I just pinned the mobile.  So, I now have 313 pins.

I. Am. Tired

I was thinking the headline would say “I. Am. FIERCE.” But, that’s really NOT how I am feeling these days.  I’m tired.  Britt is tired.  Our marriage is tired.  The only one who is not tired?  FRW!  He gets to sleep whenever he wants for as long as he wants!  ;)   At 37 and 47, and with 3 other kids, we really are too old for this.  With Emma and Lara, I was young, excited because they were my first kids, my mom lived with me for a couple of weeks to get the hang of things, and at this point in their lives (2.5 weeks old) I was still breastfeeding them, so night time feedings were long, but pretty easy.  Same with Jake.  I had a husband that was a first time dad who was SO EXCITED to help out with his son, and an easy baby who I was breastfeeding, so again, pretty easy.  Don’t get me wrong, I know those times were trying, too, but this time around, I’m just not as excited about it.  And with full bottle feeds, it is a lot of measuring, mixing, and then resulting dishes to be done.  WHEW!

But, in all seriousness, it is really going pretty well around here.  I can’t believe it has been over 2 weeks since I blogged last!  But then again, yes I can.  SHOWERS have been hard to come by! LOL!  I am happy to report that the big girls got their report cards back for the 2^nd 9 weeks, and they both had improved grades!  One has straight A’s now, and the other made HUGE improvements over the 1^st nine weeks.  SO proud of them as students, and as the young women they are becoming.  They have proven to be SUCH good helps around the house.  Now, if they could just keep their room clean… And Jake is so in love with his little brother it’s almost comical!  He is always asking to help feed, diaper, and hold Finn.  Every time I turn around, I see Jake leaning into the cradle or hovering over the play mat to give Finn a kiss.  SO CUTE! Add to all that joy, luckily (knock on wood) no one in our house has been sick of any kind this winter, and we really can’t ask for a better month!

Since my last post, Britt and I celebrated our 6^th wedding anniversary.  We had a gift card a friend had given us, so we took all the kids to Nana’s house for a couple of hours so we could enjoy the peace and a nice meal together.  Even if it was just a short time, it was definitely good for us!  The next week was back to the grindstone – and HOW! 

We had two crazy days that really tested our parenting skills right off the bat.  That Monday was my first day all alone with Finn.  Britt had been back to work a week, but the other kids were home with me during that time.  So while I was looking forward to the quiet, I knew I would miss the extra (and willing) hands around the house.  Shortly after noon, my doorbell rang.  A City employee from the electric department told me they were going to shut off my electricity for 2-3 hours.  In 30 minutes.  ***PANIC***  I had a baby on life support in my house!  Plus, it was COLD outside, and no electricity means no heat!  All I knew was I needed a plan, and FAST!  Of course, I could (and did) switch Finn from the electric oxygen concentrator to a tank, and the apnea monitor has a battery backup, but both of those are short term solutions to a potentially long term problem. They said 2-3 hours, but how do they really know?  Britt was actually already on his way home for lunch when this started happening, so when he got here, he helped me load everything up and head to my mom and dad’s house, then followed me out there to help me unload.  I enjoyed a nice, WARM afternoon and went back home after my mom got the big kids from school and went to me house assuring me the power was back on.

The next day was a little nuts, too!  Lara had an appointment with the dermatologist at 7:30 in the morning that I was taking her to.  Britt had taken the day off from work as Finn had an eye doctor appointment in the city early that afternoon.  So, I left with Lara (ended up getting a dark mole removed from her head; biopsy revealed it was benign; her forehead looks so much better now!), my mom took the other 2 to school, and Britt was home with Finn until I got back. When I walked through the kitchen door after dropping Lara at school, Britt asked me to “go look at Finn.”  He was in his crib in our room. I took one look at him and knew something wasn’t right.  He was kind of grey, and kind of lifeless.  I could rouse him a bit, but it didn’t last.  The last time this happened, it was the oxygen concentrator not working right, so we switched him to a tank.  This time, he was already on a tank, and the valve was reading there was still pressure in the tank.  But, we switched him back to the concentrator, and called our pediatrician – who said to come on down (we live 4 blocks away; it took us longer to lead up the car than to actually get there).  While switching him again, Britt discovered that while the tank was indicating pressure, it was OUT of oxygen! UGH! That would explain the grey color!  His color was much better by the time we got to the doctor’s office, and he was acting better (now hooked up to a DIFFERENT oxygen tank), but he was still laboring to breathe.  She did an exam (weighed in at 7 pounds and 7 ounces) and did an RSV test which came back negative, but sent us to the hospital for a chest x-ray just to be sure nothing else was going on.  She said a radiologist would read it, and she would call us “later in the afternoon” with the results.  It took us about an hour in the hospital to get him registered, go to the outpatient services area to wait, take the x-rays and leave.  And it takes about 5 minutes to get home from there.  While we were still in the driveway, the pediatrician called with the x-ray results!  (Mind you, we did make a 5 minute stop at the corner grocery store).  When I saw her number on my phone, I was a bit scared.  But, the radiologist had called her quickly to discuss it because he didn’t know he was looking at diseased preemie lungs, so he was getting clarification from her as to what he was looking at, and then told her he saw nothing else to worry about.  WHEW!  So, we were in the clear, and headed to the city for his ophthalmologist appointment – which also went very well.  No signs of RoP and he doesn’t  go back to see him until he is a year old (in 9 months). While we were in the area, we also made a quick stop into the NICU to see our old friends there! That was fun!

After those 2 crazy days, and all the ups and downs at night with feeding and diaper changes, it has just been a tiresome 2 weeks.  I was actually glad after that insane Tuesday to know that I didn’t have to leave the house with Finn again until his check up with the pediatrician on Friday the 20^th.  Ten whole days away!  That checkup went great as well.  Finn weighed in at 8 pounds 1ounce, and is 20 inches long.  Closing in on his 4^th month day, and he is finally the size of a newborn! LOL!  We did not change his oxygen settings, and he is still on the apnea monitor –much to my chagrin (on both accounts).  But, I want to do what is best for the baby, so I’ll get over it!  We go back in a couple of weeks for his 4 month visit and immunizations.  Until then, he just needs to keep eating, sleeping, and growing – all things he seems to be pretty good at!  

I made a short 40 second video of him a few days ago I wanted to share here as well, just showing how alert he is now (after been SO asleep the first 2 weeks we were home), and you can hear Jake playing boxing on the Wii in the background.

And here is a picture a friend took of him yesterday when she came by to visit.  His little personality is starting to shine through, and it makes the sleeplessness and hard work of the last few weeks all worth it!

Look at those chubby cheeks!  We are getting ready to have our first visit from SoonerStart here in just a little while, so I guess I'd better get things in order for that visit. I hope to not go so long between updates next time, too, but I am not making any promises!

Due Date

Today, January 6, 2012, is my due date. Today was the day our baby boy was supposed to be here.  It is hard to imagine that he is 3 months old.  Especially when I am still in the “newborn fog” as sleep and showers are almost non-existent since his homecoming.  Finn seems to be adjusting to his new environment pretty well.  We have gotten the temperature issues under control, and he is eating like a CHAMP!  He has the chubby chipmunk cheeks and rolly polly belly to prove it!  The last 4 days have been a bit nuts with all 3 of the big kids home, too, but he seems to be weathering the storm well!  We are really enjoying this time as a family, and we know it will all change again when school starts back for them on Monday and the routine has to get back on track, and it will just be the two of us home all day.

Finn turned 3 months old (by the calendar) yesterday.  I am not sure how much he weighs exactly (I sure miss nightly weight checks!), but based on how he was gaining the last week he was in the NICU and the first few days home, I would say he is right around 7 pounds.  We are still keeping him on the 5-8-11-2 schedule, but he seems to be modifying it on his own.  The last 3 nights have been a bit unpredictable.  He seems to want to eat twice at 11, and then sleep 4 hours.  That right there shows me he is adjusting to being HOME and he knows he is in charge here!  We are going to keep this schedule as best we can for a few more days, then we will let him set the pace a little more.  He also seems to have his days and nights mixed up!  He literally sleeps all day during the daylight hours, and then he is more awake after 8pm.  And, like WIDE AWAKE from 11pm to 2am.  NICE!  My mom was just complaining last night how she never sees him with his eyes open.  That’s because she’s not here when he’s awake! LOL! 

If you didn’t already know, Finn’s “room” is simply the north wall of the master bedroom.  So, his crib is a mere 4 feet from my side of our bed.  When Jake was a newborn, we had him sleeping in a pack-n-play in our room.  It only lasted a few nights as Britt couldn’t sleep through all the noises Jake made when he slept.  That’s a WHOLE NEW challenge with Finn since he has his oxygen machine in the room as well -- and that’s a noisy contraption!  Last night we would get Finn to sleep, and then he would just whine and fuss and sputter and cry.  When we went to his bedside to replace his paci and rub his back, he would settle down and fall back to sleep, but then when we wearily climbed back in to bed, he would fuss again!  The solution?  We put him in the Fisher Price Rock and Play Sleeper *right next to* our bed.  He slept GREAT after that!  I guess he was just lonely.  Sweet boy!  4 feet away was just too far…

Today brings up a lot of emotions.  I’m sad I didn’t get to experience Finn’s birth the way I thought it was going to be.  I feel bad for Finn that I was unable to provide the perfect environment for him after 26 weeks and 5 days, and he had to enter this world in an emergency situation and be poked, prodded, hooked up, looked at, handled, medicated, intubated, tube fed, and otherwise just messed with when he should have been hanging out in the womb.  I ache for my family and all the sacrifices they have had to make over the past 5 months – I know they were troopers, but I know my other kids missed me and suffered from my absence.  But, I am also thrilled that Finn is here, home and (mostly) healthy.  I am proud of Emma and Lara and the young ladies they are becoming right before my eyes as they care for their fragile baby brother.  I light up with joy at the smile on Jake’s face when he looks at or smiles at or kisses his sweet little brother.  And I absolutely melt when I see Britt being the awesome Dad he is to all our kids, but especially this baby that we ALL had to work so hard for.  I love the little smiles Finn gives us, and the moments he makes eye contact with his (finally) blue eyes.  I relish the quiet moments when I can just cuddle him and watch him sleep.  And I am truly blessed by all the lessons he has taught me and allowed me to be a part of during his precious life.

This morning I saw where Britt had posted a beautiful status on the “Early Adventure of Finn” facebook page.  It truly sums up the way we are feeling today:

And tomorrow?  Britt and I will mark 6 years of marriage! Another fact I have a hard time wrapping my mind around.  Some days it feels like we have been together for a lot longer, and other times it seems like my fairy tale wedding was just yesterday.  While we will celebrate this day, it might not be the same commemorative date night we are used to.  We will be home with our 4 kids, quietly looking back on the journey God had led us on over the past few years.  And all our MANY blessings will be counted.  Love Never Fails.