Due Date

Today, January 6, 2012, is my due date. Today was the day our baby boy was supposed to be here.  It is hard to imagine that he is 3 months old.  Especially when I am still in the “newborn fog” as sleep and showers are almost non-existent since his homecoming.  Finn seems to be adjusting to his new environment pretty well.  We have gotten the temperature issues under control, and he is eating like a CHAMP!  He has the chubby chipmunk cheeks and rolly polly belly to prove it!  The last 4 days have been a bit nuts with all 3 of the big kids home, too, but he seems to be weathering the storm well!  We are really enjoying this time as a family, and we know it will all change again when school starts back for them on Monday and the routine has to get back on track, and it will just be the two of us home all day.

Finn turned 3 months old (by the calendar) yesterday.  I am not sure how much he weighs exactly (I sure miss nightly weight checks!), but based on how he was gaining the last week he was in the NICU and the first few days home, I would say he is right around 7 pounds.  We are still keeping him on the 5-8-11-2 schedule, but he seems to be modifying it on his own.  The last 3 nights have been a bit unpredictable.  He seems to want to eat twice at 11, and then sleep 4 hours.  That right there shows me he is adjusting to being HOME and he knows he is in charge here!  We are going to keep this schedule as best we can for a few more days, then we will let him set the pace a little more.  He also seems to have his days and nights mixed up!  He literally sleeps all day during the daylight hours, and then he is more awake after 8pm.  And, like WIDE AWAKE from 11pm to 2am.  NICE!  My mom was just complaining last night how she never sees him with his eyes open.  That’s because she’s not here when he’s awake! LOL! 

If you didn’t already know, Finn’s “room” is simply the north wall of the master bedroom.  So, his crib is a mere 4 feet from my side of our bed.  When Jake was a newborn, we had him sleeping in a pack-n-play in our room.  It only lasted a few nights as Britt couldn’t sleep through all the noises Jake made when he slept.  That’s a WHOLE NEW challenge with Finn since he has his oxygen machine in the room as well -- and that’s a noisy contraption!  Last night we would get Finn to sleep, and then he would just whine and fuss and sputter and cry.  When we went to his bedside to replace his paci and rub his back, he would settle down and fall back to sleep, but then when we wearily climbed back in to bed, he would fuss again!  The solution?  We put him in the Fisher Price Rock and Play Sleeper *right next to* our bed.  He slept GREAT after that!  I guess he was just lonely.  Sweet boy!  4 feet away was just too far…

Today brings up a lot of emotions.  I’m sad I didn’t get to experience Finn’s birth the way I thought it was going to be.  I feel bad for Finn that I was unable to provide the perfect environment for him after 26 weeks and 5 days, and he had to enter this world in an emergency situation and be poked, prodded, hooked up, looked at, handled, medicated, intubated, tube fed, and otherwise just messed with when he should have been hanging out in the womb.  I ache for my family and all the sacrifices they have had to make over the past 5 months – I know they were troopers, but I know my other kids missed me and suffered from my absence.  But, I am also thrilled that Finn is here, home and (mostly) healthy.  I am proud of Emma and Lara and the young ladies they are becoming right before my eyes as they care for their fragile baby brother.  I light up with joy at the smile on Jake’s face when he looks at or smiles at or kisses his sweet little brother.  And I absolutely melt when I see Britt being the awesome Dad he is to all our kids, but especially this baby that we ALL had to work so hard for.  I love the little smiles Finn gives us, and the moments he makes eye contact with his (finally) blue eyes.  I relish the quiet moments when I can just cuddle him and watch him sleep.  And I am truly blessed by all the lessons he has taught me and allowed me to be a part of during his precious life.

This morning I saw where Britt had posted a beautiful status on the “Early Adventure of Finn” facebook page.  It truly sums up the way we are feeling today:

And tomorrow?  Britt and I will mark 6 years of marriage! Another fact I have a hard time wrapping my mind around.  Some days it feels like we have been together for a lot longer, and other times it seems like my fairy tale wedding was just yesterday.  While we will celebrate this day, it might not be the same commemorative date night we are used to.  We will be home with our 4 kids, quietly looking back on the journey God had led us on over the past few years.  And all our MANY blessings will be counted.  Love Never Fails.

Weekend Update

WOW!  What a weekend!  This is always my favorite time of the year, and I was really sad just a few short weeks ago when I thought I would be missing out on the the excitement!  Little did I know I would have a WHOLE BUNCH of my own excitement to add to it!  This past weekend was OSU Homecoming, as well as the weekend of Halloween!  2 black and orange clad events that always make October (my birth month, and Finn's too!) such a fun month to celebrate and do fun things!  This weekend was no different!  I have been home since Wednesday night, though, so I have to admit, I am getting a little bit "homesick" for Finn and the NICU...

Friday, Finn would have been at a gestational age of 30 weeks (one of my goals), and that night was also Walkaround (no "S" at the end) for the OSU Homecoming celebration.   After a quick trip to the City late that afternoon with my mom to peek in on Mr. Finn and to drop Emma and Lara off at a friend's house for a carnival and sleepover, it was time to celebrate the OSU Cowboys being 3rd in the nation, and America's Greatest Homecoming!!!  My mom and I were sure happy to see Finn!  His hair is getting SO LONG!  And it had been almost 2 weeks since she had seen him, so of course she thought he had grown!  The twins opted out of Homecoming this year to hang with their friend at her school carnival, so when Mom and I got back to Stillwater, the boys (Grandpa, Britt and Jake) were ready to hit the Greek Neighborhood and see the HUGE house decorations!  One of my favorite family traditions.  It was fun to have Jake just by himself and to see how he reacted, and we all talked about how great it will be next year when Finn gets to join us!  We left Walkaround about 9, and went to Mexico Joe's to grab some dinner.  We even sat on the patio (Emma and Lara would be jealous), since they had the heaters on!  Such a fun night!

Saturday morning we were up BRIGHT and EARLY for the OSU Homecoming "Sea of Orange" Parade!  Again this year, we sat at the front of the parade route in order to take advantage of all the candy being thrown, and to be one of the first people OUT of the parade area when it was over - we had a BABY to go see!  The parade was really fun this year!  Smaller than some years, but the weather was pretty good!  Some years we FREEZE, and this year, while it was cold when we got there, it was a nice day for a parade!  We left Stillwater about 11 to go pick up Emma and Lara from their friend's house and to see Mr. Finn.  When we got to his room in the NICU at Mercy, one of his neonatologists, his nurse, and several other people at his suite-mate's isolette were in his room.  ALL of the overhead florescent lights were on (this is odd - it is usually pretty dark in there), and, it was QUIET!  The doctor looked at me and said I looked scared.  I said, "No, not scared, just confused!"  It was quiet - too quiet!  And then I figured it out!  The oscillator (while still at his bedside) was off!  No more "Chugga Chugga Chugga!"  When she saw me staring at the machines (the traditional ventilator was right beside the old oscillator) she said "Oh! Yes!  We just finished switching him over!"  Britt and I were THRILLED to say the least!  We were a bit concerned about the lights and the extra people, but we learned that they were in the room for Finn's suite-mate, not for Finn, so it was less confusing, then.  He was doing great with the new machinery, and after all the kids got a chance to love on him, we decided to go to lunch at  Mutt's!  (You have to check it out if you are down that way), then get the kids haircuts.  Lara even decided to (finally) cut off her super long hair -and it was long enough to donate to Locks of Love:

 

We ended the trip by going back up to the hospital where Britt and I took one last look at our boy, but we didn't stay long and didn't let the kids go back in as they were doing some work on Finn's suite-mate and we didn't want to be noisy or in the way!  We listened to the OSU game on the way back home, and even caught the last part at Nana and Grandpa's house before calling it a night and heading home.  What a GREAT day!

Sunday was a more lazy day.  I was WORN OUT from the last 2 days!  Emma and Lara cleaned their room with directions from Britt, while Jake and I ran some errands.  We checked on Finn, and he was doing well.  They had to turn up a couple of settings on the ventilator, but that was to be expected, and overall doing OK.  He got his 3rd blood transfusion today as well.  Later, I took a nap while the girls  finished their room and Britt took Jake to a Halloween carnival on campus.  We got ourselves together for 5 o'clock church at LifeChurch, then went to Sunnybrook for a Halloween festival there!  Another check on Finn - nothing had changed, he had tolerated the transfusion well and was back on regular feedings - and we all went to bed tired, but grateful for a fun weekend!.   A great ending to a great weekend!

So, here it is Monday.  I was hoping to take a quick trip to get back down to see Baby Finn today, but with the price of gas, Jake's classroom Halloween Party this afternoon, Trick-or-Treating, and chores I want to get done around here, there's just no way.  So, WITHOUT FAIL, I will be going to OKC tomorrow!!!!!  And I'll stay for awhile this time.  I need to be with my baby!  Plus, I am hoping since he is back on the regular ventilator, I will get to hold him and Kangaroo him again!  That is my prayer for today!  That he continues to get back on track with the new machine, and that I can Kangaroo with him this week!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!