Fretful Friday

The preemie baby induced house arrest is getting to me.  I woke up (after not much sleep, but more than my husband because he is AWESOME and let me sleep through some of Finn’s antics!) feeling a bit anxious this morning about a dozen or so things.  Unfortunately, this is my nature.  This is my cross to bear.  Britt reminds me daily to think positively and not to dwell on the negative. So, I am trying to let go and let God on these issues.

This quote from my Joyce Meyer reading plan on YouVersion.com this morning really spoke to me:

I had encountered so much disappointment and I was afraid to be positive. When I began to study the Word and trust God to restore me, I realized my negative thoughts had to go.

We need to practice positive thoughts in every situation. If you're going through a difficult time, expect that God will work things out for your good. As a Christian, it's time for you to fight for your thoughts, because your mind won't automatically come into agreement with God's plans.

I am anxious about Jake’s birthday party on Sunday.  This is his 5^th, and with Emma and Lara creeping up on age 10, I have thrown a few birthday parties.  But this one I feel very unprepared for.  We have the place, the guests, and the cake, but nothing else.  Haven’t even made a list yet.  So unlike me!  We are doing a Power Rangers Samuri theme.  I sure hope the party store here in town has some plates and decorations…

It is RSV season, and I brought a micro preemie home almost a month ago.  He got his first RSV prevention shot in the hospital on December 27^th.  He’s supposed to get it once a month through the end of Oklahoma’s RSV season.  We have been going round and round with the company that provides this service for our preemie babies.  The nurse and I have been checking on the status of this injection every few days for weeks, and this past week, DAILY!  Finn’s approval is still “pending” with insurance.  He NEEDS this shot.  I can’t handle putting him back in the NICU if he get sick.  WHY is this taking so long?  Our NICU friends from Ponca with twin boys who were released the same day have already gotten their second shot - last week.  UGH!

I am distraught that it seems someone stole my dog.  Last Saturday, I had a dog. A dirty, shaggy haired, slightly neglected but oh so loving 3 year old miniature schnauzer named Einstein.  Sunday, I no longer had that dog.  We assumed he got out of the yard (He is mainly an outside dog in our fenced-in back yard, but sleeps in the house in his crate, but he did not come in Saturday night), and that he would return on his own or we would get a call.  He gets outs occasionally – one every 3 months I would guess.  But, he always either shows up on his own, or we get a call (he has a collar and tags).  Monday, we called animal control – they don’t have him.  Called again yesterday.  Still no word.  No one had called.  He hasn’t come home.  I guess he’s gone.  We weren’t the BEST pet parents, but Einstein was loved, he loved us back, the kids played with him, he was house broken and well behaved.  I’m sad.

And my jobless status totally overwhelmed me yesterday.  I’m still feeling the after effects today.  Without going in to many details, I am feeling VERY derailed and unemployable.  It seems somehow a disconnect to me that your job, your career, is such a HUGE part of your life, but I feel I have no control over it.  The second question people ask when they meet you (after where are you from) is “What do you do for a living?”  Don’t get me wrong, I am embracing my current “Stay at Home Mom” status, but I need to work.  I am not good at this staying home thing, and as a family we need my income – especially in this season.  But decisions and choices other people make control my destiny.  I apply and interview for positions I (and others) think I am perfect for, and I get rejected.  I just feel like a puppet on a string right now.

So, I turn to the thing I know is always steady, always ready, always true.  My God.  Here is what He says:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?” (Matthew 6:25)

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall. (Psalm55:22)

I could go on and on.  There are lots of verses in the bible about giving up your worry to God and how worrying does nothing positive for you or for the Kingdom, so why do it. But, I am human, and I fail.  This is just the reminder I needed today.  Time to stop worrying, and start worshiping.  To stop fretting and start feeling freedom in Him.  This too shall pass.  Thank you, Jesus, for my blessings!

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.   Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:33-34)

UPDATE!  While working on this post, my nurse called and the insurance has approved the shot!  That’s ONE hurdle!  Now, we have to get the shot to our pediatrician’s office, and get Finn to the office, and get the medicine in his system.  MAYBE by middle of next week… 

Pure Fear

Something happened in our house last night that will be hard to forget for a while. It is slightly embarrassing (for me) to tell this story, but it is so incredible, I feel like I have to share. I need to give you a little bit of background and some set-up so you can see why the events unfolded the way they did.

BACKGROUND:

We have a 2 year old miniature schnauzer named Einstein. He is outside in our fenced back yard most of the time during the day, but we usually let him inside the house sometime during the evening, then he sleeps in a crate in our dining room. He enjoys Emma, likes Lara and Jake, tolerates Britt, and LOVES me. Especially now that I am pregnant; he is always sitting at my feet or following me through the house.

Women have vivid dreams during pregnancy. I was reading about it the other day, and 2 things happen during pregnancies that cause this. Hormones are CrAzy, and experts think that’s what causes the dream to be so real, and so strange sometimes. Plus, pregnant women seem to remember their dreams more because they either don’t at all or don’t as often go into that deep sleep phase that humans have, that comes after the dream REM sleep phase. I’ve had some super real to me, and some super strange ones, too…

I am a Twi-hard. I have read the Stephanie Meyer Twilight series books through twice, almost done with the 3^rd time around. And I have seen the movies dozens of times. I was with a group of about 10 women age 35+ for a midnight showing when Eclipse came out, and I will be at one for Breaking Dawn part 1 as well. (My boss can tell you how many days/hours/minutes away this is, I just know it is in November…) BTW, I am Team Jacob. Real men don’t sparkle, and I like my men tall, HOT and feisty!

SCENARIO

I had gone to bed about 9:30. It was a LONG day yesterday (9 hours with sorority girls during recruitment spirit week – working hard to perfect everything for recruitment next week, and then swimming lessons with Jake, then out for a quick dinner, then birthday shopping for Dad with the 3 littles. OH! And growing a human inside me.). I ate too much for dinner, (which means I ate about 1/3 of what I used to), and I was feeling pretty miserable about it. The kids had all been in bed about half an hour, there was nothing on TV, and no reason to resist, so I went to bed, trusty Kindle in my hand, settled in to read a few pages of my current guilty pleasure: Breaking Dawn. (For those in the know, Bella had just woken up from being turned, had hunted, and was meeting Renesmee for the first time. She had just realized what was going on with Jacob when I put it down…) I was worn out from my day, and I feel asleep very quickly. One of the things I usually do before I go to bed, is crate the dog. If he is already inside, I just tell him to “go to bed” and he saunters over there and gets in the crate, and I close the door and hook the latches. If he is outside, Britt usually lets him in, Einstein finds me, I pet him a bit, then I tell him to “go to bed.” When I went to bed, the dog was still in the backyard.

WHAT HAPPENED

It was about 10:30pm. I had only been asleep 20-30 minutes, but I was fast asleep and dreaming. It was hot (as usual) in our room, and I was sweaty. (I know at 9:30 Britt had said it was still 104 outside.) These days, I like to sleep in a T-shirt and underwear, no sheets on top of me, curled up with my body pillow. All I know is, something fairly heavy and furry, with sharp claws, landed on top of me, and began prodding my bare legs with something wet, squishy, and cold. I sat straight up and let out a blood curdling scream (3 times, to be exact according to my husband), and the offensive thing jumped or fell from my bed. During the 3^rd (?) scream, I hear my husband’s soothing voice coming down the hallway saying “Hey! Hey!”

Um, yeah… so, pretty funny, right? It is now, but right then, it was TERRIFYING! Once Einstein left and Britt got his arms around me, I realized tears were streaming down my face, my throat was sore (that’s how loud I screamed), I tasted vomit in my mouth, and I had dug my fingernails into the palms of my hands. Jake came out of his room (right next to ours) and was standing bleary-eyed in the hall staring at me (my screams scared the crap out of him, and he ended up sleeping with us for a bit – who can blame him!). The dog was at the other end of our 17 foot hallway, sitting (and laying at times) on the tile entryway looking down the hall at us, but he came nowhere near me, until Britt put him in his crate for the night and came to bed. I am not sure what exactly I was dreaming about, but I am pretty sure it had to do with a forest (I remember trees), and due to the content of my late night reading, I am sure it was supernatural…) Took me over an hour to get comfortable and get back to sleep. NOT something I want to repeat anytime soon.

Someday, I’ll tell you about the only other time I remember screaming like that (I need to ask my mom what happened in my childhood to make me scream like that?!?). It involves a late night drive from Dallas to Stillwater, the I-35 bridge over the Red River, and a pedestrian. That time I again scared my husband out of his wits, but I truly believe the Holy Spirit spoke to me that night…. Sigh…. Some other time, then…

Anyway! It is TAX FREE weekend! We are soon off to buy dance shoes for the girls, attend mock recruitment at the sorority house, head to the outlet mall that just opened in Oklahoma City (maybe) to back to school shop for the girls, then dinner out for Dad’s birthday! And hopefully, have dreamless sleep tonight.