Hospital Bed Rest

Livin’ in the OC!  OK - it’s not as glamorous or exciting as Orange County, CA, but Oklahoma City has is pluses!  I have been a (temporary) resident for 4 and a half days now.  And I gotta say, after the initial shock started to wear off, it’s not so bad.  Pretty sure I cried 15 out of the first 18 hours I was here, but things have evened out a bit, and I know this is the ONLY thing I can be doing right now.  I have been trying to get this blog entry penned typed for 2 days now, but being here is surprisingly time consuming and busy.  Let me unpack the last few days for you.

Last I blogged was on Wednesday of last week, and I was in the Stillwater hospital, being told I will probably go to Mercy in Oklahoma City either Thursday or Friday.  I woke up Thursday morning with nothing really going on.  Since Wednesday was kinda nuts, my mom had the kids and decided to skip a trip to see me before taking them to school.  Britt came by, hoping to catch the doctor on rounds, but left right about 8 to get to work.  Of course, my doctor came in at 8:10!  Nothing new was really said, just that he was going to consult with the specialists in OKC again and start talking about the transfer and how that was going to happen.  Still seemed like a pretty distant event, and after he left, I am pretty sure I went back to sleep.  At just past noon, he walked in again.  I remember being pretty surprised to see him so soon, and also thinking how strange it was that he was the last person in my room as well - I had no visitors that morning!  Surprise quickly turned to shock when he asked about Britt’s whereabouts and how quickly he could get here.  I knew that was not a good sign.  The doctor went on to tell me that as soon as we could get checked out and down the road, we needed to be seen at the specialists’ office, then we would be admitted from there.  *JAW DROP.*  This was happening, and NOW!


My first phone call was to Britt after the doctor left the room to get me discharged from SMC.  He, of course, was caught as much off guard as I was!  I told him not to hurry, but to wrap things up at work and get here ASAP.  Then, I called my mom.  She assumed I was wanting some lunch and was talking on top pf me offering me suggestions of what she was close to.  I finally got a word in and told her the situation.  I asked her to go to the school and get my babies so I could see them before I left.  Amazingly, she and the kids got to the hospital before Britt did, so I got to hug on them and hang out with them for a few (come to find out Britt had stopped by the house to get a few things).  It was about 12:45 when I was loaded up and the kids were headed back to school and I was headed to the city.  We stopped for food (I hadn’t eaten) and gas and were on our way.  I am not sure what time we arrived at the doctor’s office, but it was raining and parking was a mess.  I was a walk-in patient to the clinic, and when I checked in, they informed me that both doctors who were in clinic (there are 3 physicians on staff there) had been called to the hospital for deliveries, so they were an hour behind!  YIKES!  I was worried I would be sitting there an eternity.  Again, not sure how long we waited, but after awhile we were called back, and it was a quick “appointment.”  The technician did a quick ultrasound, the doctor came in and did one, too, then we were escorted by a nurse through back hall ways, building bridges, elevators and walkways to the antepartum wing of Labor and Delivery at Mercy Health Center.  They had been advised of my arrival from Stillwater, so after some minimal paperwork (standing up at a counter - I was getting light headed by this point after being down for weeks) I was in a gown in a room about 4:00pm.  That’s when the real fun began!


Let’s not sugar coat this.  This was (is) a traumatic experience.  By this point in the day, every nerve I have was frayed, my patience had been tested beyond its limits, my physical body had taken a beating, and I was scared.  Oh, and dehydrated.  So, the next few hours were a blur of tears, failed IV and/or blood draw attempts (2 nurses, 75 minutes, at least 6 sticks), instruction, confusion and more tears.  My admitting doctor came in on rounds during the IV fiasco and suggested a central line, but not too long after that a very “aggressive” nurse came in and basically jammed the IV into my right hand.  It still hurts like heck (they are moving it today - I have still not convinced myself the PIC line in the best alternative to having an IV and having it moved every 4 days, plus a blood draw every 3 days...)  While (trying to) get settled in, Britt ran to Target for a few things I needed - we had come from Stillwater basically empty handed.  Our room was void of furniture due to a baby boom and some furniture being sent out to be recovered.  So, that left no place for Britt to sleep that first night.  I started trying to send him home about 7:30 pm, but it was breaking his heart what they were doing to me and all my tears, so it was closer to 9:30 before he finally left.  I was expecting a call from him around 10:45 from home, so imagine my surprise when he called at that time declaring he was “finally back on the road.”  I was very confused, then SHOCKED to learn he had a blow out north of Guthrie on I-35 as he was headed home!  REALLY?!?!?  What more could we endure that day?


But, sleep finally came for all of us.  The shock and stress of the day started to fade away.  As my mother always says, “Tomorrow is another day.”  And it was.  Friday came and we all started adjusting to our new reality.  The last 4 days are kind of a blur of getting into a routine, learning about the hospital, deciding what works and doesn’t work for me from the menu, listening to Baby Finn’s heart tones on the monitor, tears, and VISITORS!  Whew!  Surprisingly, this bed rest is hard work!  It is pretty hard on your body.  God didn’t make us to be this idle, and it really tires you out!  Plus, my iPhone dings like crazy with texts, phone calls, voice mails, Twitter alerts mentioning me, Facebook status updates and notifications, plus the never ending emails!  So, managing all of that seems to keep me busy, too.  OH!  And Words with Friends.  You people KILL me every game, but I like playing!  My kids have been up here 3 times, my parents twice, Britt a few times (yesterday even by himself!  BLISS!), and almost countless others.  Britt got me a little guest book to have folks sign, and I know we are going to treasure that forever.  I also have some owl friends watching over me, and the big family portrait on canvas from my living room at home is now hanging over the couch (we finally got guest furniture on Sunday after some families were discharged).  I have snacks, books, magazines, gift cards, chocolate, jelly beans, plastic ware, chargers for all my electronics, toiletries, and pretty much everything I think I could need at this point in baskets and a cabinet near my bed.  My sister-in-law is determined to come decorate.  I hope to be here for a long, LONG time, so everyone is trying to make this place feel like a home.  It’s getting there!


As for our health.  Things are staying the course.  Today, I am back to spotting and bleeding a small amount.  I actually had 2 days of no blood at all, but on rounds one morning my doctor told me not to get too secure in that, as my pattern has been to be stable for a few days, then have a huge incident.  I have also not had any cramping or contractions since I have been here.  While I have an IV port in my hand, I have not had any IV fluids or meds.  They draw my blood every 3 days for basic tests, but I am totally stable.  They check my BP and temp every 5-6 hours, and they monitor Finn on the heart tone monitor for one hour 2x a day.  That little adventure can prove to be tiring - taking up to 2.5 hours depending on how active Finn is being!  He’s still so little and has so much room to move around, we lose his tracking several times during the hour and have to move the monitor and start over.  BUT!  Every time they do it the nurses are super impressed with his activity level and heart rare.  He is doing SO WELL and is SO STRONG!  The doctor who did rounds this morning even mentioned how great his tracks are!  Good job, Little Buddy!  The nurses and staff are EXCELLENT, and I have been blessed with the same (awesome) day nurse everyday that I have been here.  And when she’s on duty, she will be with me!  That’s such a comfort and a great way to establish a relationship!


And for what lies ahead.  I am to “Lay still and know that he is God.”  (Paraphrase of Psalm 46:10 - my Uncle wrote this in the guest book.)  I am 24 weeks 4 days today.  We are still a few days from that HUGE 25 week date which marks viability in my little world.  That’s Friday.  And we can breathe a *tiny* sign of relief. Each week, each 24 hours after that is a huge blessing and one step closer to a healthy baby.  The doctor told us on Thursday that we are on a sliding scale right now.  It would take a LARGE event to spur delivery at this point, but as time goes on and the baby continues to grow, it would take a smaller and smaller event to put us into delivery.  I really want to be here 6-10 weeks at least.  That’s 30- 32 weeks gestation.  I’m 4 days in.  I can do this, right?


Things are a bit chaotic on the home front in Stilly, but Britt and my parents are working it out with the help of our AMAZING LifeGroup and other friends.  They are still getting meals, help with kid transport, and tons of offers for babysitting.  I know this is hard on everyone, and I just pray as the weeks progress we can all find a routine.  Please continue to pray for Finn and I, but also those in Stillwater left to fill in the gaps created by my being here.  I obviously would  not be anywhere else, but I get sad thinking about all I am missing out on back home, and how hard others are working to make sure it all goes off smoothly.

I am in a good mood today and had a great day yesterday.  Right now I am in the last 30 minutes of my morning Finn monitoring, and he is doing great.  I am excited to see what the next few days bring so I can share that with you, too.  In the meantime, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.”  James 5:16

I can only imagine

People have said that to us a lot over the last few days.  As in, “I can only imagine what you are going through” and “I can only imagine how hard this is for you.”  When I hear this phrase, I always think of the Mercy Me song (see below).   “I can only imagine When all I will do Is forever  Forever worship You I can only imagine…”  And that song means so much to my husband and I – we both tear up every time we hear it.  And now is no different!  I love this song so much; I have chosen to use it for the background music for the slide show I am preparing today for the funeral on Monday.  I have also written the obituary (remember how I said my spiritual gift is administration?  Yeah…) and I hope to post it to my blog this afternoon.

I forgot to mention that while at his employer’s office Monday, we learned that Brian had never designated a beneficiary on either his employer provided life insurance policy or his supplemental life insurance policy. WHAT?!?!?!?  If you, dear reader, have life insurance, I am imploring you NOW to make sure the beneficiaries are listed, and they are CURRENT!  Britt just checked on ours, and mine is good, but he needs to change his.  We already knew my brother didn’t have a will (Britt and I don’t either, but we will at least have a signed letter by the end of the week and a will by the end of the month!), but the life insurance fiasco was news to us.  I see FAIL written all over the HR department on that one!  So, due to not having a will and life insurance issues, this whole experience just become even harder, as we will have to go into probate and there are LOTS of questions and issues to be settled.

Tuesday and Wednesday really went by in a blur.  On Tuesday morning, I somehow managed to get my kids up, talk to them about why Daddy and I were gone for 2 days, what we knew (and didn’t know) about Uncle Brian’s death, AND get them all to school relatively on time.  Later that morning my mom, dad, husband and I met for over 2 hours with the funeral director at Strode Funeral Home.  Do you have any idea how much it SUCKS to pick out caskets, liners, flower arrangements, those little pamphlet things (they have a name it escapes me with a million other things these days), the verse to be printed in there and all the other things that have to be done for a funeral?  (Sorry, Mom, I know you hate the work sucks, but it does…)  And, BTW, I think I have a new business venture to pursue once I can breathe again.  The cover art for said “pamphlet thingies” that we had to pick from was HIDEOUS!  I get that most people die old and they like floral prints that look old, or whatever, but it was torture to pick one for a strong, vibrant young man like my brother.  I think I embarrassed everyone with me by all the remarks and gagging sounds…

After a nice lunch at Mexico Joe’s (where we ran into our first friends since we had been back in town), we all went back to my parents’ house.  That afternoon we spent more time making lists, thinking, planning, organizing, and of course crying.  The funeral director had told us at that point Brian’s body had been “released” from the county morgue in Texas, but had not been transported back to Stillwater – that was to be done either late Tuesday night or Wednesday morning.  My mom was ready for him to be OUT of Texas.  We knew the funeral home was in the process, but it just seemed so slow.  At one point in the afternoon, my folks had gone over to my grandmother’s house, Britt was running some errands and picking the girls up from school, and I was supposed to be writing the obituary.  I was completely alone for the first time in DAYS.  While the silence felt nice at first, I was glad to be watching the clock and knowing that Britt and my girls would be back soon.  It was nice to reflect and cry alone, and I got most of the obituary written, but hearing those Twisters burst through the door was a DELIGHTFUL sound!

Tuesday night Britt and I were scheduled to go to a banquet dinner, even had my parents set up to babysit, but at the last minute we backed out.  I didn’t want to get dressed up, and neither of us wanted to leave our kids.  So, we ate the tons of yummy food that friends had brought to my parents’ house, and played with our kids, and worked on finding pictures, tweaking the obituary, and enjoying our family.

Wednesday morning, everyone had decided to try to have a normal morning.  Mom and Dad went to work.  Britt went to work.  Emma and Lara walked to school.  I was planning on dropping Jake off at day care, then going to training at work (as to not fall behind on my certificate course work).  But, God had other plans.  And this all led to another sad tweet from me:

You see, when I got to the day care, the adorable 4 and 5 year olds were all dressed for Spring picture day.  Not Jake. He was in the T-shirt he had slept in the night before and basketball shorts and had the WORST cowlick ever.  On the mad dash home to find him better clothes (and hair product), my cell phone rang – indicating the girls’ elementary school.  It was Emma; she had forgotten her ADHD meds – and she really needs them.  I told her to wait for me, I would be right there.  When I finally got home, the shirt I wanted for Jake was nowhere to be found!  Long story short – Emma did get her meds and get to class on time; Jake’s shirt was found and ironed and his cowlick tamed mere MOMENTS before his turn to get pictures; I missed my training.  But, I got to have a long chat with a longtime friend and fellow believer, and it really brightened my day.  God is SO GOOD!

Yesterday afternoon I found out that my brother’s body had made it back to Oklahoma and was at Strode Funeral Home, which was good news.  The bad news?  The body is completely un-viewable.  Not only by the public, but even for the family.  I will spare my readers the gory details, but just know we feel a grave injustice has been done to us.  And we have to request a copy of the autopsy report in writing from the Tarrant county Medical examiner’s office, so I mailed that yesterday.  Who knows how long before we actually get our hands on the document - which may or may not provide answers.

 At 2:30 the 4 of us met at the church to meet with the pastor and go over the service for Brian.  My mom told the Pastor lots of Brian stories, and deferred all planning and note taking to me (again, Administration…).  We all enjoyed describing Brian to Pastor Tim and helping him get to know Brian a little bit better.  We spent a lot of time talking about Brian’s scouting activities and his high school shenanigans.  As well as talking about his precious daughter and the times he’s shared with her over the past 4 years.  We picked songs, order of service, discussed pall bearers, and felt a sense of finality by making these decisions.  We still need to pick a few bible verses to share, and I am going to research and see if there is any Boy Scout ritual for a funeral as well.

We tried to make yesterday as normal for my kids as possible – after lots of chaos and missed appointments and lessons, etc. for the past few days.  After school, the girls got haircuts – I wanted them to look nice for all you out of towners!  ;)  Then, I sent my poor, sweet, DILIGENT and dutiful husband to Wal*Mart (or Best Buy) to purchase a 500 Mb portable external hard drive.  He looked like a deer in headlights when I tried to tell him what I needed.  I told him to ask where they were, then call and read the boxes to me.  Luckily, he only had 2 to pick from at the Wal Marts, and it was any easy decision as the other one had 1 terabyte of memory, and I’ll NEVER need that much!  After all our errands were run, we gathered back at my parents’ house to eat more of the delicious food we have been blessed with, then the Five Dream weavers were off to LifeChurch!  Konnect and Little LifeKids for the Little Weavers, and LifeGroup with our closest friends for the Mister and I.  We knew we would find lots of friends in the lobby when we dropped the kids off and picked them up later, and we were not disappointed.  What a GREAT time of fellowship and food.  I love my LifeGroup and my church!

Today is Thursday and my goal for today is the slide show.  Mom has a pile of pictures at her house I will go pick up soon and start scanning.  She and my dad have gone to Lewisville to tie up some more loose ends today, and will be back tonight.  Britt is at work, Jake’s at day care and the Twisters are at school.  I am home alone, in desperate need of a shower, and about to tackle another job in honor of my brother.  I’ll get to rest soon, right?  Yes!  And in the arms of Jesus, no less!  I can ONLY imagine!