Deja Vu - All over again!

So, the last time I blogged was Friday.  It is now Wednesday night.  I have been to and from the hospital twice during that time.  Friday and Saturday were uneventful.  Getting used to this bed rest thing and sleeping whenever I wanted to!   Friday night was “date night.”  The girls were in OKC with their other Dad, and some friends brought us pizza, cheesecake, movies and flowers, and took Jake with them for a few hours so Britt could just RELAX and spend time with his bride.  I had a huge giggle fit during one of the movies, and we really enjoyed our time together.  Saturday was pretty quiet - Jake had a birthday party to go to and Britt made a Wal-Mart run for groceries.  Just a nice relaxing day.

Overnight  Saturday night I woke up to one of my infamous “gush” feelings.  Only this time, it didn’t feel the same.  I actually got some on the bed, and upon further inspection, it looks less like blood and more like fluid.  That’s no good.  That’s scary!  So, at 2:30 am, we loaded up Jake, his blanket, “Bobby” (his lovie) and headed BACK to L&D.  Because I was still bleeding, they could not check to see if what I was leaking was actually amniotic fluid, but they did over an ultra sound.  One of my favorite moments from the wee hours of the morning was when Britt and Jake had gotten all settled in on the fold out couch/bed thing, and I was hooked up to monitors so we could hear Finn’s heart tones, AND all his movement.  Jake looks up, looks around and says, “I can’t sleep with Finn’s heart beating so loud!”  Little did he know what a comfort that was to Mom and Dad.  

My doctor was in Colorado for the weekend, so one of his associates was on call.  She ordered the ultrasound, which again showed Baby to be doing SO well.  The only concern was that the dark spots (presumable clots) from last Wednesday were now bigger.  NOT what we wanted to hear, but still manageable.  So, they observed me for a few more hours, my bleeding never really got any worse, the doctor declared it a “bladder spasm” and that I had leaked urine (I still don’t believe that), and she released me to go back home to bed rest.

Monday and Tuesday passed by with lots of book reading and a little TV watching.  I had been gifted a Visa card for online shopping, so I had ordered Glee Season 2 on DVD (which arrived Tuesday) and several books for my Kindle.  In the meantime, my Kindle’s screen froze up (still haven’t called about that), so I had to download the books to my iPhone, but I still managed to read 3 books in 2 days.  WOW!  But, Tuesday evening I started not feeling well.  Just “off” somehow.  About 11pm, I decided I was constipated, so I sent the ever gallant husband to the store for some relief.  He got back, I took some meds, and we went to bed - hoping for relief in the morning...

I never really made it to “morning.”  I woke up at 1, still not feeling well, but not wanting to disturb my exhausted hubby, so I opted to try the couch.  At this point, I was feeling pretty crampy, and was praying it didn’t turn into contractions.  I slept off and on (and drank about 40 oz of water) until about 3:30, when I decided I was so uncomfortable I couldn’t bare it.  I made (yet another) trip to the restroom, trying for some relief - to no avail.  I laid on the couch some more, then decided I might feel better if I showered (it has been 5 days, and I know I am on strict bed rest,  but I was DIRTY and my hair - forget about it!).  That DID NOT help!  While I felt cleaner, I was now having contractions, and at a loss as to what I should be doing.  I was pacing the floor, I had finally gotten Britt in on the drama, and he was ready to go to the hospital LONG before I was!  I was not wanting to go BACK to L&D AGAIN!  I didn’t want to be poked and prodded.  I didn’t want an IV or blood draw, but most importantly, I didn’t want a nurse I had never had before that I had to explain my while story to AGAIN!  Needless to say, I was crying, in pain, and indecisive.  Britt got dressed, and said he was ready when I was.  At 5:30, I reluctantly got in the car with him - leaving the 3 kids at home and texting my mom to come hang with the littles.

The other thing I don’t like about coming to the hospital at that time at night is that it is still locked up, and you have to go through the ER, which adds TIME to the process.  Ugh Ugh Ugh.  And, lo and behold, I got a nurse who didn’t know my situation - AT ALL.  She was P*SSING me off, saying all the wrong things, and I knew more about what needed to be done with me than she did - simply because she didn’t know.  Once I was hooked up and being monitored, Britt and I were left to cry with each other.  I was having very painful contractions (which were not registering on the monitor, so the nurse kept saying I wasn’t having any!), and I just felt crappy.  That’s when it happened...

About 6:45... WORST. PAIN. EVER!  Up to this point, my blood had been pretty light.  I hadn’t even been bleeding when we left the house, but I did have a gush right as we got to the hospital.  But this next event is not for the squeamish to read.  if you are easily offended, skip to the next paragraph.  So, I was writing in pain, crying, and trying to spread my pain out by crushing my husband’s hand.  Then, I felt *something* come out “down there.”  The contraction let go, and i said to Britt, “I don’t know what just happened, but it was BIG!!!”  He asked if he should look, I said he could do what he wanted to - so he looked.  Then immediately pressed the nurse call button, got up, shivered, and crossed the room.   the nurse cam in to look at “it,” gathered up the pad I was sitting on and told us she was going to show “it” to the other nurses.  A little later, my day nurse came in, and we were talking about “it” - the blood clot.  She told me it was the size of a Chihuahua.  WHAT?!?!?  Of all the things in this world to compare it to, THAT’S what she chose???  LOL!  We had a good laugh about that all day.

Sonogram was next - and (as usual) Finn is doing great!  Having a dance party - just like he always does.  (Every time they came to monitor him today they had to chase him around my belly to keep a track on the heart tones!)  He has grown a lot, and now weighs 1
pound 7 ounces and measures right on track.  He had plenty of fluid, and all is great for him.  And, GLORY to GOD - she saw NONE of the spots and clots the other sonographers have been watching!  Is this it?  Was that the last of it?  The doctor came in not too much later (he was between surgery cases), and was pleased with the sono report, but was a bit worried about one of the numbers on my blood test, so he told me he wanted me to stay overnight and re-do the blood draw in the morning.  He also said we still have no idea what this is or why it is happening.  He said in his 30 years of having a medical license, he has NEVER seen a case like this.  I am causing him bald spots as he scratches his head while thinking about my case.  In the meantime, he was going to call my specialist at Mercy and see what they thought the next step should be.

I had a few more small contractions after I birthed the Chihuahua, and a few more after the sonogram, and none since then.  I feel SO MUCH BETTER!  And my bleeding has tapered off as the day went along.  I am comfortable in a regular recovery room, and settling in for the stay.  The afternoon/evening were a bit nutty getting everyone where they needed to be, but I got to see my kids for a minute, and even had a “mini” LifeGroup in my hospital room.

But, there was some not quite as exciting news this evening, too.  My doctor came in, and he had consulted with my specialist earlier today.  The verdict?  Since we don’t know what this is, and I only seem to stay stable a couple of days, I am being transferred to hospital bed rest at Mercy in OKC sometime Thursday or Friday for the duration of this pregnancy.  While we feel I am not in imminent danger of delivering, we need to be close to the NICU just in case.  It really is the best situation for all of us.

This is a scary time for me, and for my family.  A lot of changes are happening very quickly, and it is a bit overwhelming.  I know this is the right thing to do for my baby and the future of my family, but I worry about the strain this can cause for my kids, my husband, and my parents.  Please be in prayer for all of us during this time.  It is a time of adjustment, again!  I just know that this baby is going to do GREAT things all for the GLORY of GOD!  Can I get an AMEN?

I can only imagine

People have said that to us a lot over the last few days.  As in, “I can only imagine what you are going through” and “I can only imagine how hard this is for you.”  When I hear this phrase, I always think of the Mercy Me song (see below).   “I can only imagine When all I will do Is forever  Forever worship You I can only imagine…”  And that song means so much to my husband and I – we both tear up every time we hear it.  And now is no different!  I love this song so much; I have chosen to use it for the background music for the slide show I am preparing today for the funeral on Monday.  I have also written the obituary (remember how I said my spiritual gift is administration?  Yeah…) and I hope to post it to my blog this afternoon.

I forgot to mention that while at his employer’s office Monday, we learned that Brian had never designated a beneficiary on either his employer provided life insurance policy or his supplemental life insurance policy. WHAT?!?!?!?  If you, dear reader, have life insurance, I am imploring you NOW to make sure the beneficiaries are listed, and they are CURRENT!  Britt just checked on ours, and mine is good, but he needs to change his.  We already knew my brother didn’t have a will (Britt and I don’t either, but we will at least have a signed letter by the end of the week and a will by the end of the month!), but the life insurance fiasco was news to us.  I see FAIL written all over the HR department on that one!  So, due to not having a will and life insurance issues, this whole experience just become even harder, as we will have to go into probate and there are LOTS of questions and issues to be settled.

Tuesday and Wednesday really went by in a blur.  On Tuesday morning, I somehow managed to get my kids up, talk to them about why Daddy and I were gone for 2 days, what we knew (and didn’t know) about Uncle Brian’s death, AND get them all to school relatively on time.  Later that morning my mom, dad, husband and I met for over 2 hours with the funeral director at Strode Funeral Home.  Do you have any idea how much it SUCKS to pick out caskets, liners, flower arrangements, those little pamphlet things (they have a name it escapes me with a million other things these days), the verse to be printed in there and all the other things that have to be done for a funeral?  (Sorry, Mom, I know you hate the work sucks, but it does…)  And, BTW, I think I have a new business venture to pursue once I can breathe again.  The cover art for said “pamphlet thingies” that we had to pick from was HIDEOUS!  I get that most people die old and they like floral prints that look old, or whatever, but it was torture to pick one for a strong, vibrant young man like my brother.  I think I embarrassed everyone with me by all the remarks and gagging sounds…

After a nice lunch at Mexico Joe’s (where we ran into our first friends since we had been back in town), we all went back to my parents’ house.  That afternoon we spent more time making lists, thinking, planning, organizing, and of course crying.  The funeral director had told us at that point Brian’s body had been “released” from the county morgue in Texas, but had not been transported back to Stillwater – that was to be done either late Tuesday night or Wednesday morning.  My mom was ready for him to be OUT of Texas.  We knew the funeral home was in the process, but it just seemed so slow.  At one point in the afternoon, my folks had gone over to my grandmother’s house, Britt was running some errands and picking the girls up from school, and I was supposed to be writing the obituary.  I was completely alone for the first time in DAYS.  While the silence felt nice at first, I was glad to be watching the clock and knowing that Britt and my girls would be back soon.  It was nice to reflect and cry alone, and I got most of the obituary written, but hearing those Twisters burst through the door was a DELIGHTFUL sound!

Tuesday night Britt and I were scheduled to go to a banquet dinner, even had my parents set up to babysit, but at the last minute we backed out.  I didn’t want to get dressed up, and neither of us wanted to leave our kids.  So, we ate the tons of yummy food that friends had brought to my parents’ house, and played with our kids, and worked on finding pictures, tweaking the obituary, and enjoying our family.

Wednesday morning, everyone had decided to try to have a normal morning.  Mom and Dad went to work.  Britt went to work.  Emma and Lara walked to school.  I was planning on dropping Jake off at day care, then going to training at work (as to not fall behind on my certificate course work).  But, God had other plans.  And this all led to another sad tweet from me:

You see, when I got to the day care, the adorable 4 and 5 year olds were all dressed for Spring picture day.  Not Jake. He was in the T-shirt he had slept in the night before and basketball shorts and had the WORST cowlick ever.  On the mad dash home to find him better clothes (and hair product), my cell phone rang – indicating the girls’ elementary school.  It was Emma; she had forgotten her ADHD meds – and she really needs them.  I told her to wait for me, I would be right there.  When I finally got home, the shirt I wanted for Jake was nowhere to be found!  Long story short – Emma did get her meds and get to class on time; Jake’s shirt was found and ironed and his cowlick tamed mere MOMENTS before his turn to get pictures; I missed my training.  But, I got to have a long chat with a longtime friend and fellow believer, and it really brightened my day.  God is SO GOOD!

Yesterday afternoon I found out that my brother’s body had made it back to Oklahoma and was at Strode Funeral Home, which was good news.  The bad news?  The body is completely un-viewable.  Not only by the public, but even for the family.  I will spare my readers the gory details, but just know we feel a grave injustice has been done to us.  And we have to request a copy of the autopsy report in writing from the Tarrant county Medical examiner’s office, so I mailed that yesterday.  Who knows how long before we actually get our hands on the document - which may or may not provide answers.

 At 2:30 the 4 of us met at the church to meet with the pastor and go over the service for Brian.  My mom told the Pastor lots of Brian stories, and deferred all planning and note taking to me (again, Administration…).  We all enjoyed describing Brian to Pastor Tim and helping him get to know Brian a little bit better.  We spent a lot of time talking about Brian’s scouting activities and his high school shenanigans.  As well as talking about his precious daughter and the times he’s shared with her over the past 4 years.  We picked songs, order of service, discussed pall bearers, and felt a sense of finality by making these decisions.  We still need to pick a few bible verses to share, and I am going to research and see if there is any Boy Scout ritual for a funeral as well.

We tried to make yesterday as normal for my kids as possible – after lots of chaos and missed appointments and lessons, etc. for the past few days.  After school, the girls got haircuts – I wanted them to look nice for all you out of towners!  ;)  Then, I sent my poor, sweet, DILIGENT and dutiful husband to Wal*Mart (or Best Buy) to purchase a 500 Mb portable external hard drive.  He looked like a deer in headlights when I tried to tell him what I needed.  I told him to ask where they were, then call and read the boxes to me.  Luckily, he only had 2 to pick from at the Wal Marts, and it was any easy decision as the other one had 1 terabyte of memory, and I’ll NEVER need that much!  After all our errands were run, we gathered back at my parents’ house to eat more of the delicious food we have been blessed with, then the Five Dream weavers were off to LifeChurch!  Konnect and Little LifeKids for the Little Weavers, and LifeGroup with our closest friends for the Mister and I.  We knew we would find lots of friends in the lobby when we dropped the kids off and picked them up later, and we were not disappointed.  What a GREAT time of fellowship and food.  I love my LifeGroup and my church!

Today is Thursday and my goal for today is the slide show.  Mom has a pile of pictures at her house I will go pick up soon and start scanning.  She and my dad have gone to Lewisville to tie up some more loose ends today, and will be back tonight.  Britt is at work, Jake’s at day care and the Twisters are at school.  I am home alone, in desperate need of a shower, and about to tackle another job in honor of my brother.  I’ll get to rest soon, right?  Yes!  And in the arms of Jesus, no less!  I can ONLY imagine!

Spring Break Rewind

Technically, we still have 2 more days of Spring Break.  But, my babies are coming home in about 4 hours, and all chaos will ensue at that point, so there is no time like the present!  

Spring Break is an interesting time in our house.  The Hubs and I both work for the University, so while our week is (painfully) slow at work, we still have to be there.  (Seriously, on Friday, I got to work at 8:10 and literally did not see another soul on campus as I walked from my parking lot to my office!)  Plus, we don’t really have anywhere else we are going, so we work.  And Little Man’s day care is paid in full for the week, so he hangs out there with the few of his friends with parents like us that work on Spring Break.  The last 2 years, the Twisters have spent this week with their Other Dad in the Oklahoma City area.  While this time affords us two-on-one time with our son, it still seems eerie not to have the girls in the house!

One bonus to them being gone (besides the food bill for the week is drastically lower)?  We (OK, my husband) got to clean their room!  All I wanted to do was completely strip and wash every piece of bedding they have.  He went through and thoroughly picked up, cleaned, rearranged, and threw stuff away – going so far as to buying large tubs at Wally World to “organize” the floor of the closet.  Among the “missing” items he found was a Nintendo DSi game, one SwitchFlop flip flop (no idea where the other one is), and the FLOOR!  You can actually see it!

Our boy really missed his big sisters this week.  Mainly because I think they entertain him better than we do, but I also think he honestly admires them, looks up to them and loves them.  Almost every day while he was at school, he “forgot” they were out of town and he would ask about them on the ride home, or open their bedroom door when we got here to see what they were doing, only to be disappointed.  We allowed them to take the cell phone we have as an extra line (we call it the “house” phone and it stays in the house unless there is a good reason one of the girls need to take it with them), and that was a new twist.  Monday, we didn’t hear from them at all.  Tuesday, I texted them to tell Lady Bug that a friend was trying to get a hold of her.  Wednesday got a couple of “I miss you” and “I love you” texts.  (I thought that was so sweet, I even tweeted about it!) Thursday, they blew up my phone (Tweeted about that, too!)
  I got a video of one of them singing a song, several texts with various messages, a picture of an owie – all also sent to their Dad and Nana -- and a couple of calls asking when they could come home!

TODAY!  They will be home today!  And then (because the original plan was for them to stay until Sunday) we are taking them to my parents’ house to spend the night so the Mister and I can have date night!  Time to reconnect, revisit our dating days, and recharge – Monday morning will come too soon, and no one will be ready for it!